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From massages to sexy photos – experts reveal their saucy tips on how to have mind-blowing sex — and MORE of it – The Sun

BE honest. Are you having enough sex?  Research shows the desire for getting frisky between the sheets drops 16 per cent in the first four years of marriage.

But help is at hand. Today and tomorrow we bring you two special pullouts with red-hot advice for the bedroom (or wherever else you may fancy) from Britain’s sassiest new sexperts.

The Hotbed Collective – Lisa Williams, Anniki Sommerville and TV presenter Cherry Healey – are mums on a mission to help people keep their long-term relationships saucy.

Their mantra is simple: Life is too short for bad sex. Today, in the first of our two-part series, we bring you their take on how to have mind-blowing sex – and MORE of it.

The gang reveal how to make your relationship feel like an illicit fling and explain how to enjoy better orgasms.

10 ways to get out of that relationship rut

SUMMER’S over, the nights are drawing in – and your sex life might be going into hibernation. Lisa says: “Many couples can get stuck in a rut in the bedroom but making simple changes can bring lasting fulfilment.”

Follow these ten tips to make your long-term relationship feel like a sizzling fling.

Massage

Sexy photos

Mix it up

Turn on 

Explore 

Build anticipation 

Have a drink

Relax

Water play

Exercise


Snog

LIKE fine wines and truffles, there are many different types of snogs – and snoggers.

The round-and-round-like-a-washing-machine snogger. The serial dribblers. The fixated-on-giving-you-a-love-bite snogger. And the I’m-shoving-my-hand-into-your-pants-without-any-warning sort (definitely to be avoided).

Passionate kissing tends to be one of those enjoyable things that goes on the back burner as we age. But it is time to bring more of it back into your life. It brings you closer to your partner and releases oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin which boost your mood. It can even tone up your facial muscles (so forget Botox and all that rubbish).

Kiss your partner more often. When they leave the house, try kissing them on the lips rather than shouting at them that they have shoved a load of polystyrene packaging in with the recycling.

Try introducing a few more physically intimate gestures. Pinch their bum or stroke their arm. Remember the little things you did to one another when you first met. Then, when the moment feels right, snog. Maybe you’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. Maybe you’re at the bus stop. Don’t overthink it, just give it a go.

Friends, wine and sexy chat

THEY are ordinary mums who met over a drink – and several glasses of vino later, they were discussing sex. It was the start of a blogging, podcasting and publishing adventure for Lisa, Anniki and third member “at large” TV presenter Cherry.

Anniki, a mum of two from Ealing, West London, said: “We live in a culture where sex seems very available. It’s on TV, it’s in our magazines. We watch Love Island and First Dates. But actually, that’s not necessarily happening in people’s bedrooms.

“It’s very common for couples in long-term relationships not to have sex at all, or very infrequently. When we started The Hotbed Collective podcast, people starting confiding in me about how dissatisfied they were with their sex lives. From the outside, they seemed to have it all – a lovely home, family, good jobs – but after a few glasses of wine, they would say, ‘Do you know what, we haven’t done it in over a year’.”

Anniki, 46, believes that tech is partly to blame as we get distracted by social media and spend our evenings watching Netflix. She said: “I’m sure people used to have more sex when all there was on TV was Open University programmes. There wasn’t anything to stay up for. People probably said, ‘Well, we may as well go to bed’. Now there is always something on telly, or we sit on the sofa with our iPads in front of us, which is not very conducive to intimacy.”

The pair’s popular podcast and resulting book cover all sorts of bedroom issues, from sex after having children to tapping into your wildest fantasies. Mum-of-two Lisa, 37, from Richmond, South West London, said: “The podcast is for people who have never had to think about their sex lives before.

“They’ve taken it for granted, then they find themselves in a long-term relationship, bored stiff, or too busy, or too tired, or not relating to each other any more. I think of the book as Pleasure For The Busy, The Bashful And The Can’t Be Bothered.”

Toys

IT is OK to go to sex shops. There is no shame in using sex toys – many of the best queens and goddesses do.

It helps that lots of celebrities are starting to normalise their use to help get things going in the bedroom.

Gwyneth Paltrow nearly broke the internet when her lifestyle site Goop featured a 24-carat gold vibrator.

We believe in taking away the shame of solo sex. Wouldn’t it be great if solo sex was part of your everyday wellbeing routine?

If you are curious about using a toy in sex with your partner, but the thought of bringing it up makes you want to catch the next train to NeverComingBackVille, try something neutral, such as massage oil.

This is an entry-level item which can start you on a delicious journey.

Use the post-sex window to say what you liked about what just happened.

It might lead you to the next stage by asking something like, “Have you ever used a sex toy?”.

Orgasmic

ON TV, sex scenes often involve couples thrashing around in bed having penetrative intercourse until they both come to a noisy and co-ordinated orgasm. But only 20 per cent of women climax through penetration. And a survey by sex toy company Lovehoney found couples orgasm together only once every three times they have sex.

Lisa says: “Despite what I learned from films such as Pretty Woman, Four Weddings And A Funeral and 9½ Weeks, real sex has been more: Awkward conversations about protection; the constant worry of being overheard by neighbours; faked orgasms; wet patches; and foreplay that lasts longer than an entire film.

“Don’t just lie there thinking about what to do with the leftover Bolognese sauce while your partner is fumbling around.  Put them out of their misery, talk, explore, have fun. And remember, on your deathbed, you’ll never regret the fact you had too many orgasms.”

Why orgasms matter

An orgasm will help you sleep, keep you looking younger and, if you get it during partnered sex, help you feel closer to your partner and less likely to nag them about tidying the Tupperware drawer.
Scientific research shows female satisfaction can also have the following results: Better skin, a more youthful appearance, decreased risk of heart disease…and even more orgasms.

Practice mindfulness

This may sound strange but in order to enjoy an orgasm it’s important to focus on being in the moment. One of the biggest distractions is running through your mental to-do list.
Instead, focus on the sensations in your body and how things feel. It can be hard to switch off but the more you practise being present, the easier it becomes.
Stay away from phones and social media as these tend to be a massive distraction.

Positive reinforcement

Get louder during the good bits, and quieten down when it’s not right. Scream out what you do like about their technique, or praise them for it lavishly at the end, so they do more of that brilliant thing

Guide them

IF they’re trying to pleasure you but don’t know their way around, don’t be afraid to gently take their hand and guide them at a speed and a pressure you enjoy.

Get £2.60 off the book

MORE Orgasms Please: Why Female Pleasure Matters by The Hotbed Collective (RRP £12.99, Square Peg) is out now.

Sun readers can get a copy for the special price of £10.39, including free UK P&P. To order, call 01206 255 800 and quote the reference “The Sun”.

Offer ends at midnight on October 27.

Have great sex

IT may be easier to fake it until you make it – especially during new encounters – but there’s no reason why you can’t have great sex while dating hot strangers. Showing someone where and how you like to be touched and saying “softer”, ”this is amazing”, or “ooh, that hurts a bit”, is completely acceptable from the first bonk – and could spare you both embarrassment and wasted time.

Fantasise

THERE is no harm in fantasising while you’re having sex or orgasming. This is very common and can intensify feelings

Know your body

TRY exploring your body on your own first (maybe when you’re in the bath or have some solid alone time) so you can guide your partner and tell them what you want. Only by knowing your own body can you learn how to help someone else give you pleasure.

Love yourself

SAY positive affirmations to yourself so you feel good about your body. It’s very hard to enjoy an orgasm or to orgasm at all if you feel bad about the way your body looks. It stops you being in the moment and letting go. So if you can remind yourself what you love about your body, it will help you relax and enjoy yourself more instead of getting hung up on your cellulite or wobbly bits.

Get 15 per cent off

LOVEHONEY is the largest online retailer of adult products – and we are giving you the chance to indulge with 15 per cent off.

Launched in the UK in 2002, the store has one aim – to help people feel more sexually happy. The company stocks a range of quality sex toys, lingerie and bondage gear to encourage customers to get the most out of their sex lives.

To get your 15 per cent discount, use the code SUN15 at lovehoney.co.uk/offers.

T&Cs: Visit lovehoney.co.uk/offers to use your code. Valid until September 30. Valid on all products available at lovehoney.co.uk. Code cannot be used in conjunction with any other offers, such as student discount.

For his pleasure

IT is not just about us girls, of course. We might think a male orgasm is a given but men like to have variety in the bedroom, too. Here are a few tips to really get him going…

  • Try experimenting with different areas of his body. Men are very sensitive from their knees up to their waist, so let your hands wander around his inner thighs and lower back.
  • Play with food and drink. Don’t just stick to teasing around the mouth. Run an ice cube over his nipples or place it in your mouth and give him some chilling kisses all over.
  • Communication is always key. Review what you both do and don’t enjoy, and decide together if there’s something new you want to try. It’s also a good chance to say whether you need more affection in between sessions to help you get in the mood.
  • If he always initiates sex (and you turn him down), turn the tables by making the first move. If you do it when he’s not expecting it, for example before you head out together, it will be even more thrilling for both of you. This also helps to break the ice after a longer-than-usual spell of not having sex.
  • If he’s having trouble getting or sustaining an erection, remember there is a lot of help for this kind of dysfunction (which is more common than many couples care to admit). Book in for a GP appointment and remind him there’s no shame in the matter.

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