ALMOST half of all marriages end in divorce, so some are recommending an unlikely way for couples to get their spark back – taking a lover.
The monogamish movement says partners can have sexual experiences with other people – read on to find out more.
What is monogamish?
Monogamish is a relationship style where a committed couple is mostly monogamous but there is room for occasional romantic or sexual involvement with others, with agreed rules.
To be monogamish means to be in a relationship that is mostly monogamous but that allows for a small amount of sexual openness—which differs between couples.
According to research, a staggering 30 per cent to 60 per cent of married couples will cheat at least once in their marriage.
Some people have difficulty staying monogamous over time, which can lead to infidelity, and in turn, divorce or separation.
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Monogamish could be an option.
“People think monogamy is sacred. But is it really, when so many people break that promise?” asks US sex and relationship expert Doctor Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, speaking with The Sun in September.
“This can be the answer to the divorce epidemic,” says Dr Tara, who has joined the current series of E4’s Celebs Go Dating as a mentor.
Not to be confused with polyamory, monogamish relationships are closer to ethical non-monogamy, or open relationships.
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The term monogamish was made popular by Dan Savage, America’s leading sex-advice columnist.
Savage believes monogamy is right for many couples and is in a committed relationship himself, but thinks we need to move past the idea that infidelity should automatically lead to divorce or a break-up.
Dr Tara, who practises monogamish with her husband says: “There has been a surge in couples doing this.”
She says a huge number of couples have come to her for advice on being monogamish— an equal number of men and women.
How to tell if you are monogamish
Monogamish is a choice a couple makes and therefore needs to be handled delicately within a relationship.
If you’re thinking about introducing your partner to the idea, Dr Tara advises having the conversation “in a non-sexual context […] You need to say, ‘What do you think about this?’ Do not say, ‘I want’.”
“So if you just had sex or you were about to have sex and start talking about monogamish, your partner will link it to themselves and think they’re not good enough.
Couples should only take the next step if both parties are fully on board and keen to explore future options, Dr Tara stresses.
For monogamish relationships to work, couples have to detach emotions from sex, which many people can’t— or don’t want to— do.
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But without this detachment, jealousy and feelings of insecurity can rear their heads and blow the relationship apart.
Some suggest thrill-seekers and those who can separate sex from emotion would be best suited to a monogamish arrangement, whereas those who fear abandonment and struggle with anxiety might be best advised to stick to monogamy.
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