Do you know your attachment style? Psychologist devises 10-question quiz to tell if you crave commitment or run from it – and it could help you have healthier romantic relationships

• Dr Carmen Harra is the American author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes
• READ MORE: Psychologist’s 12-question quiz could reveal if you have OCD

A psychologist has shared a 10-question quiz that will help you determine your attachment style, as well as what your answers could mean for your relationship. 

Dr Carmen Harra, American author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes, explained: ‘We each embody an archetype, a character model that influences how we think, act, and express ourselves. 

Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, she added: ‘Archetypes explain why you act in one way in a relationship, your partner in another.  

‘When personalities clash, conflicts arise. This is why it’s so important to understand your and your partner’s attachment types.

‘Whether you’re a Hopeless Romantic or a Wounded Warrior, learning about your archetypes will provide key insight into what drives certain behaviours and guide you to make better decisions for happier, healthier relationships.’

American author Dr Carmen Harra has shared a 10-question quiz that will help you determine your attachment style, as well as what your answers could mean for your relationship (stock image)

If you’re curious about your attachment style and how it could impact your current relationship or a potential love interest, try out the quiz below to uncover more about your ‘attachment archetype’.

After you’ve completed the quiz, Dr Carmen shares what your answers could say about your personality.

1. After an argument with my partner, I’m most likely to:

A. Go out and ignore my partner’s calls for a while.

B. Spend more time by myself and reflect on the situation.

C. Apologize and try to make things right for my partner.

D. Go in to work or start a project to distract myself.

E. Re-evaluate the whole relationship and possibly end it.

F. Replay the argument over and over again in my mind.

G. Treat myself to something nice while I wait for an apology.

H. Communicate with my partner and try to work things out immediately.

2. At this point in my life, the type of partner I need is:

A. A person who can stand on his or her own feet and not depend on me for every little thing.

B. A person who inspires trust and makes me want to open up to him or her.

C. A person with whom I can share an unsinkable relationship.

D. A person who appreciates my work and supports it unconditionally.

E. A person with whom I can have fun and who thinks outside the box.

F. A person who can help me heal and leave my past behind.

G. A person who will compliment me and make me feel secure.

H. A person who sees me as his or her equal in a relationship.

Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, the author explained that we all embody an archetype – ‘a character model that influences how we think, act, and express ourselves’ (stock image)

3. Throughout the day, I most frequently think about:

A. How I can advance in my personal goals.

B. Thoughts I keep to myself instead of sharing with others.

C. How to deepen my relationship and satisfy my partner.

D. Strategies to improve my career, business, or income.

E. The present and what I’m doing right now.

F. Actions I regret taking or feel guilty about.

G. What I need to do to maintain my image, status, or appearance.

H. How I can become the most balanced version of myself.

4. My decisions are mostly influenced by:

A. Myself: I’m an independent thinker and follow my own logic.

B. My intuition: I know inside what I should do.

C. My partner: I consider him or her my other half.

D. My work: Partners have failed me but my career never will.

E. The moment: I base my choices on what I’m feeling then and there.

F. My emotions: I often act on feelings of fear, bitterness, or anger.

G. The outside world: I like to stay on top of trends and hot topics.

H. Myself and my partner: I take into consideration both of our opinions.

5. At this moment in my life, most important is:

A. Becoming an established individual with a strong sense of identity.

B. Elevating my intellect and improving myself from the inside out.

C. Creating an unbreakable bond with another person.

D. Achieving success and reaping the rewards of my hard work.

E. Trying new things and experiencing life to the fullest.

F. Finding myself in better situations than I have been in before.

G. Being seen by others as powerful and desirable.

H. Becoming a well-rounded individual who is able to overcome anything.

6. In a relationship, I’m most afraid of:

A. Giving up part of myself to another person.

B. Opening up too soon or to the wrong person.

C. Watching my relationship fall apart or being unable to fulfill my partner.

D. Not being able to maintain a relationship due to my job demands.

E. Getting tied down in something I don’t really want or can’t keep up with.

F. Being hurt, cheated on, or traumatized.

G. Being seen as inferior or unworthy by my partner.

H. I don’t think I’m afraid of anything.

7. What I most enjoy receiving from my partner is:

A. Personal space and freedom to express my individuality.

B. Deep conversations and mental stimulation.

C. Unyielding devotion and complete commitment.

D. Support in my work, projects, and endeavours.

E. Spontaneity, playfulness, and no strings attached.

F. Patience, compassion, and sympathy.

G. Compliments, admiration, and encouragement.

H. Flexibility, mutual effort, and cooperation.

8. What most motivates me from day to day is:

A. Being free to accomplish my dreams and ambitions.

B. Cultivating my mind and making it a bright and healthy sanctuary.

C. Giving love to and receiving love from my soulmate.

D. Gaining recognition and/or reaching a higher status in my career.

E. Being different from others and carving my own unique path through life.

F. I take it day by day and hope it will be better than yesterday.

G. Attaining material possessions such as a house, car, and other luxuries.

H. Adapting easily to change while making the most of my future.

9. My ideal day includes:

A. Going to the gym then out with friends.

B. Redecorating my home then curling up with a good book.

C. Going to a romantic dinner and movie with my better half.

D. Giving a stellar presentation at work and directing productive meetings.

E. Going on adventures like skiing, surfing, or other outdoor sports.

F. Any day in which I’m at peace with myself and what I’m feeling.

G. Showing up to a party in my best outfit and stealing the spotlight.

H. I make the most out of every day, regardless of what I’m doing.

10. If I’m perfectly honest with myself, my biggest impediment in past relationships has been:

A. Finding and staying with a partner who will let me be who I am without trying to change me.

B. I don’t like to reveal too much about myself so I couldn’t open up fully to my partner.

C. I gave too much to the other person and sacrificed to the point that it harmed me.

D. My partner didn’t agree with my work schedule, lack of time, and/or hectic routine.

E. I haven’t been able to ground myself enough to be in a serious, long-term relationship.

F. I let my emotions get the best of me and often blew things out of proportion.

G. The relationship was focused more on “me” than on “we.”

H. I tried to find solutions for whatever problems my partner and I were experiencing, but things just didn’t work out.

How did you score? Psychologist reveals what your answers could mean…

Dr Carmen said: 

If you answered mostly As you’re an Independent: 

The Independent displays an individualistic and detached nature. If you’re an Independent, you might be reluctant to enter a relationship because you fear a partner will compromise your cherished freedom. 

This kind of personality is defined by a need to be on their own, and this becomes true not only in love but other areas of life: you forge your own path and don’t look to what others are doing. 

As you can imagine, this sort of libertine attitude doesn’t mix well with romance. You need a partner who’s able to give you space and time to take part in activities you enjoy. You don’t respond well to a needy person or one who begs to spend every waking moment next to you. You prefer a partner who keeps busy and tends to his or her own needs.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, working your way up to commitment with the Independent requires taking baby steps. Because this archetype is used to doing things their own way, coming on too strongly will backfire. 

Instead, letting things come from them is paramount to progress. It’s best to allow them to freely manage their life and step in only when they ask for help. Efficient communication is essential because the Independent mean what they say and say what they mean. Once this attachment type realises what a wonderful addition you are to their life, commitment can become solid.

If you answered mostly Bs you’re an Introvert: 

If you scored this archetype, your main struggle in a relationship is your fear of intimacy and hesitation to release what you feel within. This discrepancy, between what’s shared with others and what’s locked within the confines of your mind, is unique to an Introvert.  And although you may not mean it, your lack of communication can be misinterpreted by your partner as secrecy. 

You are self-sufficient to a fault and enjoy being on your own much more than in a complicated relationship. To be committed, you need to feel comfortable enough to open up wholeheartedly to your other half.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, you should know that the Introvert can become deeply attached if their partner succeeds in breaking through their emotional and mental boundaries. Feeling understood and safe enough to share thoughts and ideas are crucial to the Introvert. 

If their significant other disappoints them, the Introvert will immediately snap back into their shell. This is a highly imaginative archetype who enjoys having their mind fed and creativity tested; intellectual conversations stimulate them and encourage them to let their guard down. 

An Introvert will absorb even the most minute details in their surroundings, noticing things that other people easily miss, and they will dedicate himself truly and fully to the partner whom they deem trustworthy.

If you answered mostly Cs you’re a Hopeless Romantic: 

The Hopeless Romantic is an idealist of epic proportions. As a dreamer and not a doer, you wholeheartedly believe in love but can be a bit tactless: you yearn for commitment but don’t know how to approach a relationship in rational and clearsighted ways. 

You might fall in love easily, throwing yourself into romances blindly and often with unsuitable partners. In truth, you may be more in love with the idea of love than with the person before you. 

Because you idealize love, you’re not realistic about the messiness that relationships bring. But your intentions are genuinely good: you just want to give and receive love.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, you’ll soon learn that the Hopeless Romantic has been ready to commit since long before they met you. This attachment type is unlikely to stray because they tend to be infatuated with one person at a time. 

They are completely open and wear their heart on their sleeve. To keep up a durable relationship, the Hopeless Romantic must become grounded in the real world and exercise practicality and reasonable expectations from their better half. 

If they can comprehend that a well-founded, slow-paced relationship is key, then the Hopeless Romantic can achieve the lifelong love they dream of.

If you answered mostly Ds you’re a Workaholic: 

As a Workaholic, you most likely built your life around your career. In fact, your work is more of a vocation, which you chose long before you chose a significant other. 

But you still want the best of both worlds – the successful job and the perfect partner – and you’re not willing to compromise. Under no circumstances can you be with a stultifying, possessive person who holds you back from carrying out your mission; your partner will have to be mindful of your responsibilities. 

You see the partner who’s constantly on top of you as another liability, and you’ll let go of a person who’s not contributing to your growth in the same way you’ll fire an employee who’s not performing to your expectations.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, you’ll notice that making a Workaholic commit entails embracing their career wholeheartedly. They may work long hours or have a hectic schedule, but once the Workaholic is attached, their partner will become an indispensable part of their life. 

Helping them in little ways goes a long way: the Workaholic appreciates a partner who can pack their lunch on ultra-busy days or confirm their appointments. 

Though the Workaholic is more rational than romantic, they still need an outlet to release pent-up emotions. Thus, they should be encouraged to talk, relax, and engage in activities that alleviate stress.

If you answered mostly Es you’re a Free Spirit: 

The Free Spirit is undecided in all that they do and has trouble committing in multiple aspects of their life, from relationships to work to habits. 

If this resonates with you, you may switch jobs, move around a lot, and have fleeting friendships. You will need to learn how to manage conflictual tendencies so that you allow emotions to come and go without impulsively acting on them. 

The most suitable partner is one who sets small goals for you and encourages you to plan one path for yourself and stay on it. This will remind you how rewarding it is to commit to something and see it through to the end. The more you are able to stick to one job, project, or belief, the more likely you will be to stick to one relationship.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, you may quickly become frustrated. This archetype might claim they want to have a relationship but abandons ship when things get serious. 

This kind of irrational behaviour can leave their partner bemused and blaming themselves when in reality, the Free Spirit contends with the notion of commitment itself. In short, the Free Spirit simply doesn’t know what they want. 

They may have a faint idea, but when thinking comes to doing, the Free Spirit can’t execute. To teach them to pull through, their partner will first have to help the Free Spirit find his authentic self.

If you answered mostly Fs you’re a Wounded Warrior: 

Because they’ve been hurt, the Wounded Warrior experiences a division between the outside and the inside: the smile you wear on the outside doesn’t match the turmoil you feel on the inside. 

You may be dealing with trauma that you don’t want to address and even choose to suppress. But in trying to mask it, this trauma can rear its ugly head and cause irreparable harm to your relationship. 

You will have to learn how to blend your inner and outer sides by unravelling your pain then converting it into power. This starts by forgiving yourself for former mistakes and being proud of how far you’ve come.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, it is essential to understand that the Wounded Warrior must gently explore their memories and heal their sunken pain before they are able to commit. 

This means they have to reconcile their past and bridge the two elements of being that make up one whole and courageous individual. Above all, the Wounded Warrior needs compassion and plenty of patience from their partner. 

They may drive their partner crazy at times with their emotional outbursts, but the success of the relationship depends on their healing. After they mend their wounds, this attachment type can develop a healthy, stable bond with another person.

If you answered mostly Gs you’re a Narcissist: 

The Narcissist has crossed the boundary from empowerment to entitlement, where there is little humility and much hubris. The ego serves a critical role in protecting us from harm, but your heightened ego can preclude you from bonding fully with others. 

This can make you seem superficial and cause your relationship to come to a grinding halt. You may have trouble paying enough attention to your partner or fulfilling his or her needs because your focus is so often on yourself. But if these character tendencies are mitigated, you absolutely can enjoy an enriching relationship.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, you should know that being with a Narcissist will require certain sacrifices on your part. This archetype needs to learn how to compromise. 

It’s pivotal to the relationship to let a Narcissist think they’re “right,” but once their complacency starts getting in the way, you will have to address the issue. 

A Narcissist can become seriously attached to you, but if their ego is ever-so-slightly bruised, they will become equally defensive. Narcissistic behaviour usually stems from deep-seated insecurities, which fuel a need to feel validated and admired. 

Simply put, the person who chooses to be with a Narcissist will have to be as tough as their self-absorbed other half. It’s important to note that exhibiting narcissistic qualities in the archetypal sense does not mean having NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

If you answered mostly Hs you’re a Well-Rounded One: 

The Well-Rounded One wants a real relationship and is mentally and emotionally equipped for it. You can offer commitment without having to surmount the mental and emotional hurdles of some of the other archetypes. 

You have already performed your introspective work, or you might not have significant personality defects to begin with. Your barriers are truly lifted and you are able to give and receive love without impediments. You try hard to find solutions to problems in your relationship, but you won’t forfeit your well-being for the sake of any partner.

If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, your partner will teach you that being well-rounded means being versatile and able to adapt to changes and challenges as they come. This archetype’s number one attribute is his malleability under different circumstances. 

They’re decent in all senses of the word and doesn’t have layers of psychological complexities to comb through. To this attachment type, relationships are perfect when they are in balance; the Well-Rounded One appreciates fairness and reciprocity more than anything else. 

Their mind is at ease when they have a mission, a sense of purpose, and a life partner by his side. The Well-Rounded One is the loving ideal we should all strive to become, in relationships and beyond.

Dr Carmen Harra is the author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes.

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