‘I thought open marriage would be fun – my wife has men lining up but I’m sad’

I thought an open marriage would be great.

I fantasised about all the women I’d bed and the no-strings-attached fun I’d enjoy. I imagined myself like a kid at a sexual pick‘n’mix counter, trying different lovers just for the heck of it.

Only it hasn’t worked out like that. None of the women I’ve dated in the past six months have brought me any happiness or joy.

I’ve encountered hostility, jealousy and anger.

More than one person has accused me of being a time-waster and “wanting to have my cake and eat it”.

The minute I open my mouth and admit that I’m married, but in a flexible arrangement, I’m called a creep.

Recently, I was messaging a divorcée online. We were getting on well, flirting and talking dirty, and decided to meet. I booked a table in a popular bar and prepared myself for a fun night.

Only she took one look at my wedding ring and threw my beer in my lap. I tried to explain my circumstances, but she demanded I give her £100 for her taxi ride, hairdo and manicure. She left screaming “loser” at me.

Yet my wife is having the time of her life. She has guys lining up to date and bed her.

She’s never been happier and says we should stick to this arrangement for ever, but it’s not working for me.

I’m jealous and lonely. I’m spending an increasing number of evenings on my own. This was never the plan.

Also, she’s using the money from our joint account to pay for new outfits, hotel rooms and waxings, so I feel completely shafted – but not in a good way.

JANE SAYS: Did you and your wife decide on an open marriage without discussing rules, boundaries and timelines first?

I get the impression that you leapt in without thinking it all through.

Now you find yourself disgruntled and cast adrift, while she’s never felt more empowered or attractive.

You’re still married, and you’re entitled to ask for some time out. Start communicating. Tell her that you’re struggling to cope.

You’re not having a good time and are jealous of her popularity and success.

What does she think about that? If your bad experiences have now made you determined to protect your marriage, then is she ready and willing to come back on board? No one would blame you for feeling insecure when your experiences have been so different.

What about sexual safety? What if she develops a crush or even falls in love with someone else?

There’s no denying that open relationships work for some people, but what made you hit upon this idea in the first place?

I worry that you’re playing with fire. You need to cool down and take the heat out of this situation with discussion and honesty.

Source: Read Full Article