DEAR DEIDRE: I’M so convinced my partner is cheating, I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine by having sex with another guy.
He told me he is going on a work trip to Paris but I’m 100 per cent sure he’s having an affair with a colleague and that’s why he’s going.
I’ve had offers too, but have always refused. Now it’s time to accept one of them.
My partner is 47 and I’m 45. We have been together for five years.
The other night when he got home, he looked tired and I noticed that his clothes were dishevelled, like he’d been with another woman.
He denied it, of course, but I don’t believe him. Two years ago, he went to a conference abroad and admitted he’d had a one-night stand.
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I forgave him but haven’t trusted him completely since. Now I am sure history is repeating itself. His co-worker messages him all the time and he’s evasive when I mention her.
As he works late often, I’ve been chatting to men online. One of them, who is 35, keeps asking me for no-strings sex. I’ve always said no but now I’ve changed my mind.
I’m going to message him and ask him to come round while my partner is away. Why should I sit at home like the “good wife”, feeling alone and abandoned while my partner is away having fun?
I do love him but I often feel so unappreciated. Sometimes I wonder if I should leave him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Having sex with someone else might seem like the answer but it won’t make you feel less lonely or unhappy.
It will just leave you feeling more confused – and it certainly won’t help repair your relationship.
You don’t have proof your partner has cheated or intends to cheat, just a gut feeling. What’s clear is there’s no trust in your relationship.
Maybe it’s time to walk away, so focus on that decision before complicating matters.
You still love him, so tell him how you feel and ask him to work on your relationship together. See my support pack Cheating, Can you Get Over It?
Couples counselling would be beneficial. Find a counsellor at tavistock relationships.org (020 7380 1975).
If you’re lonely when he works late or goes away, take up a hobby or join a group – something more fulfilling than talking to strangers online.
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