DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE a wonderful lover who is a fabulous man and we enjoy some amazing sex together.
My husband cares so little he didn’t even react when he saw the love bites my lover gave me on both sides of my neck.
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But I am torn over whether to leave him.I am 53 and have been with my husband for nearly 30 years. He is 58.
We hardly ever have sex but I have been having a fulfilling love life with my boyfriend for the past six months. We met when I went to our local pub with a friend for a quiz night. My husband didn’t want to go.
My mate and I joined a team with this man and his friend.We got on so well he invited me out for a drink two nights later. The week after that we ended up in bed together at his house.
He is 49, a wonderful lover and a great man. We have loads of foreplay and I have orgasms with him, which I love and rarely had with my husband.This guy is kind and caring and wants me to move in with him.
I love him so much and want that too. My husband doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t touch me or say anything nice to me even if I wear something special or have my hair done. He either doesn’t notice — he’s always on his phone — or just says I look OK.
He is so lazy, too. He says he loves me and that he will help me, but he doesn’t lift a finger. So I want to be with this other man but am torn about what to do. He told me to tell my husband all about him, which I did.
I said I would be leaving him but he didn’t react at all. He says he doesn’t want to lose me and I have tried my best in my marriage, but there is no love between us.
I can’t go on like this but my husband says our children will cut me off if I leave him. We have a son and daughter in their twenties and three grandchildren.
My lover suggested I organise for him to meet them and tell them their father does not seem to care for me, but will that work?
DEIDRE SAYS: Our children tend to want us to stay locked in place unless we are suffering actual abuse. Yours may not welcome your lover into their lives.
They see you as Mum and Grandma and may not worry much about your sexual fulfilment, I’m afraid. It could help them to be more understanding if they can see you have clearly tried to save your marriage.
Obviously you should not risk seeing your lover now anyway because of coronavirus restrictions. So use the opportunity to ask your husband to work with you to make one another happy again.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT can help. If he can’t be bothered to try, you can explain that to your children, and get together with your lover knowing you at least tried. He will wait if he really loves you.
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