I've been ghosted and asked if I'm into choking – why is online dating so hard?

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been asked if I am into choking, if I would sell pictures of my feet and if I would consider a threesome – all in my first week on Tinder.

Now I’ve been ghosted nine times.


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If the guys I’m meeting on dating apps are all that is out there, I would rather stay single.

I’m 23 and have never had a relationship.

I get that people don’t want to talk about the weather, but what happened to getting to know each other? Everyone I have met only wants no-strings sex.

After my last “situationship” (it was little more than a booty call) ended last January, I decided to download Tinder.

But we were in the middle of a pandemic, so there was no chance of meeting anyone in person.

Within a few days, I’d matched with three guys I liked the look of.

But one ghosted me after three messages, and another asked me if I was into “choking” in his second message.

Another suggested I join him and his girlfriend for a virtual threesome.

But eventually I found a decent-sounding 31-year-old. He seemed interested in getting to know me, and looked handsome in his pictures.

But as he walked into the bar we had agreed to meet in, he was nothing like his picture, and I realised I’d been catfished.

After one drink, he tried to stick his hand up my skirt and his tongue down my throat.

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When I pushed him off, he said: “If you’re such a prude, why are you on Tinder?”
I know I did nothing wrong, but it’s put me off going on another date.

Surely there are guys out there who are looking for more than a quickie?

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DEIDRE SAYS: There are, so don’t be disheartened.

And you are right – stand firm and don’t ever feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to.

People might try to tell you what should and shouldn’t happen on the first, second and third date, but each relationship develops at its own pace.

Put that one down to a bad experience and move on.

While online dating is a great way to meet lots of new people, it can be hard to know if your matches have the same intentions as you.

Some people are just looking for a bit of fun, others are hunting for The One.

The strongest relationships tend to develop out of friendships. Joining clubs where you can meet people with similar interests is always a good place to start.

Use meetup.com to find events and organisations near you.

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