DEAR DEIDRE: AT the age of 67, I feel I’m really rather too old to be lectured but that is what I have to put up with every single day.
My daughter is 33 and apparently knows it all, whereas I do not.
At the moment she is in a real huff with me because I paid for my other daughter to stay in a hotel while the weather was unbearably hot.
My younger daughter is 31 and is an alcoholic.
Heartbreakingly her life has become so chaotic she is now unable to hold down a job, only attracts other damaged men and has lost custody of her only son, who is aged seven years old.
She has been homeless for the last year and I couldn’t bear to think of her struggling in the heat so paid for a basic hotel for three nights.
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But my eldest daughter was incensed and accused me of lavishing more attention on my “dead-end child” than her.
She is a nurse but I don’t see anything caring in her behaviour.
She is resentful of her nephew, my grandson because he also lives with me – I’m his guardian – and refuses to even acknowledge him when she is here.
We normally speak every day but she has blanked me since I paid for the hotel.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your daughter is trying to punish you by ignoring you but be mindful she is doing this to try and control you.
This is emotional abuse. It is a passive-aggressive stance so don’t let things continue as they are because it is making you so unhappy.
Pick a calm moment to tell her how you feel. Don’t be defensive, instead set boundaries and resist responding to her attacks.
Her behaviour suggests she is jealous of her sister and nephew, which may seem ridiculous considering what you have told me about their lives.
However, it is very likely she is unhappy about something in her life, and needs to blame someone else, rather than face up to the reality of that.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself should help you.
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