My girlfriend's former partners were all sexual athletes and I feel inadequate because I'm not as good

She had sex at least six times a night with the last one and he lasted for ages each time. Now I cannot get those images out of my mind.

I am 37 and have been with my girlfriend for a couple of months. She’s 29 and split up with her ex two years ago. I have been jealous of other girlfriends’ previous partners for as long as I can remember. I should have known better than to ask my current girlfriend.

One she told me about was an ex she knew from school days and got back in touch with via Facebook not long before she met me. They arranged a night of no-strings sex.

She said they were at it all night and she was exhausted by morning. When I asked how many times they did it and how long he lasted, it was clear he was a sexual athlete while I can only manage sex twice in a row and at best I can last for is ten minutes.

It’s left me feeling inadequate. I gave her a hard time, which I know is not fair, as I was the one asking the questions. She was just answering them.

I had trouble sleeping that night. I was obsessing about these mental images.I told my girlfriend this and she said she would not have said anything if she had known it would affect me this way.

I have been like this with past girlfriends. If I hear anything about a former boyfriend being better endowed than me or better in bed, I get jealous and upset. My girlfriend said I have nothing to be jealous about as she was tired and it all became quite boring after a while.

Why do I ask all these searching questions when I really don’t want to know the answers?


WHEN we fancy someone like crazy, how do we tell whether this is true love or mere sexual chemistry that may not last?


My leaflet Love Or Lust? will help you be sure.


Email me at [email protected]  for a copy or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: We all come with a past. Your girlfriend is with you because she wants to be.  Watch that you don’t drive her away by harping on about things rather than building the loving relationship you have going for you now.

How long you can last and how often you can have intercourse again is not the issue. She has spelled it out for you that sexual stamina isn’t everything. What you and your girlfriend enjoy and the pleasure you give her is the issue.

Note what she enjoys most, how she likes to be touched and kissed, and concentrate on what you discover. In other words, if you think about her enjoyment of sex then your enjoyment will naturally follow.

My e-leaflet Dealing With Jealousy will help you work out where your insecurity stems from. It could be something in your past still haunting the present.

If you still can’t overcome it, get help from a counsellor.

READ TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I want to find a new man to have sex with as my husband only lasts a minute in bed

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