My married niece had sex with a barman at a wedding – should I tell her husband?

DEAR DEIDRE:  MY married niece had sex with the barman at her brother’s wedding – and yet her husband is such a lovely man.

My nephew decided to go ahead with his wedding in the summer even though they could only have 30 guests.

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My sister — his mum — and I are very close so they still included me. I am a woman aged 50, and single.

My niece was chief bridesmaid and I tried to help her husband with their two children, who are six and four, and very lively.

He has a high-powered job and is often away. He and my niece are both 33.

The freedom went to my niece’s head and she spent a lot of time at the bar and got very drunk.

Her husband was preoccupied with their children, who got tired as the day went on.

Later, I went to the toilet. It was downstairs and there was a corridor along to what I presumed were cupboards or staff rooms.

I could hear some panting and was worried someone had been taken ill.

But it turned out it was my niece and the young bartender having sex on the floor, half in and half out of a storage room.

They didn’t notice me and I didn’t want to ruin my nephew’s wedding so I didn’t say anything, and just tiptoed away.

But I was beside myself with worry the rest of the evening.

I went downstairs again half an hour later and found my niece in the toilets. I didn’t say anything about what I’d seen.

I just said she needed to sober up, got her to drink some water and helped her back to her partner, who decided to take her and the children home.

I left not long afterwards — I just couldn’t relax and enjoy myself so said I felt a bit funny and needed to go home.

I thought my niece would get some sort of comeback for what she’d done but her husband has been posting family photos on Facebook saying what a brilliant mum she is and how much he loves her.

It makes my blood boil how she has deceived him and I feel like telling him the truth.


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DEIDRE SAYS: Your niece behaved appallingly but, if that was out of character, I bet she thinks even worse of herself than you do.

Maybe she has confessed to her husband, maybe she hasn’t.

But if she has, they have moved on, which is the best outcome for their two children.

All that would be achieved by you telling her husband what you know would be more hurt for all of them and possibly lasting damage.

Best keep quiet, but look at why this is eating into you.

Are you jealous of your niece? The answer to that lies in focusing on your own life.

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