NADINE DORRIES: In the Jungle be prepared for leeches in intimate places, Nigel!

My experience in the jungle is one I won’t ever forget. It was hardcore.

I’d never watched I’m A Celebrity… before I joined the other contestants Down Under and, in the pre-interviews, I asked the question: ‘How hard can it be?’

This naive utterance was played on repeat every time the public voted me in for a challenge. I soon found out just how hard it was.

Now I watch the show every year and drive my family mad with comments such as, ‘he’s sleeping in my bed, or ‘when I was in Snake Rock with Ashley [Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls], triggering a hail of cushions and groans of ‘will you get over it?’

But 11 years on I haven’t got over it. I’m still emotionally scarred by the experience!

My experience in the jungle is one I won’t ever forget. It was hardcore. I’d never watched I’m A Celebrity… before I joined the other contestants Down Under and, in the pre-interviews, I asked the question: ‘How hard can it be?’

So, Nigel Farage (pictured), if you’re reading this, some friendly advice to help you survive the ordeal ahead, now you’ve reportedly signed up to do I’m A Celeb… for £1 million

So, Nigel Farage, if you’re reading this, some friendly advice to help you survive the ordeal ahead, now you’ve reportedly signed up to do I’m A Celeb… for £1 million.

First, get used to being without your phone. You’ll be put into lockdown as soon as you arrive in Australia and they will confiscate it. As a prolific tweeter, you’ll find going cold turkey tough.

READ MORE: Nigel Farage WILL star in this year’s I’m A Celeb after jungle queen Georgia Toffolo brokered the deal with ITV: Ex-Ukip leader becomes latest politician to take part in hit reality TV show

I didn’t even tell my daughters I was doing the show because the contract said I couldn’t. But I wish I had.

Prepare your nearest and dearest in advance, and establish a way of communicating with them each morning when Ant and Dec pop into camp and the camera is on you: lift your hat, scratch your chin or tap your nose to let them know you’re OK – or to beg them to stop voting for you so you can escape!

This was what some of the celebrities I was with did and was well used by Linda Robson, of Birds Of A Feather fame. If only I had known about it…

Be prepared to get up close and very personal with your campmates. Leeches can fasten on to the most intimate parts of your body and you will need help removing them. It certainly breaks down any barriers and forges friendships fast.

Expect to be very hungry. The producers like it that way because your ‘hangry’ personality will make for better TV. Outrageous behaviour or outbursts generate sensational headlines, which drives up the ratings.

Arguments and bust-ups are what people love, and I guarantee that’s one of the reasons you’ve been invited. You can be sure Remainers will outnumber Brexiteers!

Expect to be very hungry. The producers like it that way because your ‘hangry’ personality will make for better TV. Outrageous behaviour or outbursts generate sensational headlines, which drives up the ratings

But remember that political debate is not what I’m A Celeb viewers tune in for. It’s the real Nigel they’ll want to see: the man under pressure, deprived of food, fags and pints. Don’t be afraid of that – just be yourself 

But 11 years on I haven’t got over it. I’m still emotionally scarred by the experience!

But remember that political debate is not what I’m A Celeb viewers tune in for. It’s the real Nigel they’ll want to see: the man under pressure, deprived of food, fags and pints. Don’t be afraid of that – just be yourself.

And finally, be aware that your campmates will have an agenda. Most go into the jungle because their careers need the boost. Yours doesn’t.

You’re in a unique position, so use it to your advantage. You are outspoken and entertaining, a huge force of personality. The producers know it, and so do the viewers. Come out as the King of the Jungle – we expect nothing less.

Rebecca blows the whistle on Beckham’s game plan

At the weekend, I finally caught up with Beckham, the much-hyped Netflix documentary series.

It offered a glimpse into the family’s glamorous life, but there wasn’t much we hadn’t heard before.

As for David’s alleged affair with Rebecca Loos, it was neither confirmed nor denied – no change there! – but was addressed only in the context of how the rumours impacted the Posh ‘n’ Becks marriage.

As for David’s alleged affair with Rebecca Loos (pictured), it was neither confirmed nor denied – no change there! – but was addressed only in the context of how the rumours impacted the Posh ‘n’ Becks marriage

Which is disingenuous to say the least, and something Loos, who popped up on Good Morning Britain yesterday, is determined to highlight. She accused Becks of continuing to ‘spin’ a narrative to paint himself as a victim and her as a temptress.

For me, it was David’s parents who shone through. His dad, selfless and determined; and his mum, the first Mrs Beckham, who was like every mother I knew growing up in Liverpool. She was down-to-earth despite the trappings of wealth her talented son’s success has brought.

‘Glen Hoddle was on my hit list,’ she said through gritted teeth, referring to when the then England manager blamed David – he’d got a red card and been sent off – for the team’s defeat against Argentina in the 1998 World Cup. She’s a true lioness who still roars to protect her cub, and I loved her for it.

I wrote last week that our California-dreamin’ PM is in thrall to Big Tech and, this week, tech bosses from around the world are arriving to attend the first global AI safety summit – Rishi’s pet project. Not all in the industry are on message, it seems, as the Mail reported yesterday. 

A powerful cabal is urging us to embrace the ‘inevitable succession’ of robots. No thanks! 

Rishi has announced a £100 million investment to accelerate the use of AI research in cancer and dementia, but there has to be a balance between AI for the greater good and AI for the greater profit of the geeks.

Yes Reeves is an asset, but she needs to up her game

Like George Osborne, I believe Rachel Reeves will make a bold and competent Labour Chancellor. 

READ MORE: Labour’s Rachel Reeves urged to ‘explain herself’ amid ‘plagiarism’ row over 20 examples of other people’s unattributed work found in her new book – as shadow chancellor insists they are ‘inadvertent mistakes’

She’s not only an economist with an impressive track record of experience, but as the daughter of teachers from South-East London, she’ll understand the financial challenges that ordinary people face day-to-day.

I especially admired her discipline in writing a book while serving as shadow chancellor (although the aim was undoubtedly self-promotion by someone with an eye on the leadership of her party one day!). 

A woman who could multi-task to this degree could only be an asset to the Treasury – or so I thought.

Unfortunately, an analysis by the FT of The Women Who Made Modern Economics has pinpointed more than 20 examples that appear to have been lifted wholesale, or reworked with minor changes, from other sources – including Wikipedia, newspapers and even the work of a front-bench colleague – without acknowledgement. In other words, it’s a copy-and-paste job, from the internet.

Plagiarism is a breach of academic integrity and however much Reeves tries to railroad through this, it’s a serious error of judgment.

She should learn from it. The level of scrutiny in Opposition is very different to being in power. It’s time to up your game, Rachel.

It’s a family joke that should my eldest ever apply for Mastermind, her specialist subject would be Friends. 

I made the mistake of buying her The One With All Ten Seasons boxset when she was a teenager, and it dominated our Christmases for years. 

Now wise-cracking Chandler – Matthew Perry – is dead. 

His brand of humour captivated millions, but in particular the generation who are now thirtysomethings. It is they who will mourn him the most.

Now wise-cracking Chandler – Matthew Perry (pictured) – is dead. His brand of humour captivated millions, but in particular the generation who are now thirtysomethings. It is they who will mourn him the most

Labour nepo baby boom

Liam Conlon has applied to stand as a Labour candidate in a ‘winnable’ seat at the next General Election.

Liam who, you may well ask? Liam, son of former top civil servant and controversial Partygate investigator Sue Gray, who is now Keir Starmer’s chief-of-staff, that’s who.

As a senior party source told the Mail on Sunday: ‘The nepotism… is now off the scale. The party of ‘equality’ is now the party of the Red Princes.’

We already have Stephen Kinnock, son of failed Labour leader Neil on the green benches. How long before he’s joined by Will Straw, son of former Labour Home Secretary Jack? Maybe a Prescott or two?

And who knows, maybe a real heir to Blair is waiting in the wings?

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