I’m a married sex therapist and I allow my husband to sleep with other people – polyamory is the secret to a happy long-term relationship

• Dr Lori Beth Bisbey, 60, originally from the US, is married but dates other people
• Lori has been with her partner for 14 and a half years and married for under nine 
• She has now opened up about how she navigates the lifestyle with her husband 

A psychologist has revealed that the secret to her thriving marriage is being able to see other people.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey had previously been in a monogamous marriage until she discovered that the key to a successful relationship – at least as far as she is concerned – was dating around. 

The 60-year-old, who is from the US but now lives in Scotland, explained how she changed her relationship style when she realized that she was bisexual and didn’t want to ‘give up a large part of [her] sexuality’ by being committed to just one person.

She has now opened up about how she navigates the lifestyle with her husband, 66, who she has been with for 14 and a half years – and married to for just under nine.  

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey had previously been in a monogamous marriage until she discovered that the key to a successful relationship was dating around 

She has now opened up about how she navigates the lifestyle with her husband, 66, who she has been with for 14 and a half years – and married to for just under nine 

Lori Beth and her husband both identify as polyamorous – meaning that a person can engage in more than one committed romantic relationship at the same time.

Speaking about her marriage, she said: ‘We both were non-monogamous when we got together and agreed that was how our relationship would be run.

‘We both love it as we get more needs met, have wider support and more places of joy.

‘We were together for five years before we were married and have had other relationships throughout. I have two other long-term relationships.’

Lori Beth continued: ‘We meet people in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating apps. We have gone to events that are sex- and relationship-positive and met people there.

‘If I am at a sex-positive event, people talk freely about their relationship status (and I do as well). Otherwise, it is really not different than how you approach someone if you are interested in them.

‘The only real challenge is finding time for multiple relationships – it’s been especially hard to get together with partners after Covid. 

‘We have relationships that are transatlantic and travel has become more expensive and more complicated,’ she explained.

The 60-year-old, who is from the US but now lives in Scotland, explained how she changed her relationship style when she realized that she was bisexual 

‘We meet people in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating apps. We have gone to events that are sex and relationship-positive and met people there,’ she explained

Lori Beth’s top tips for those considering non-monogamy

1. Work on yourself: Make sure you are confident. Deal with triggers. Practice emotional skills.

2. Do not try to open up if your relationship is rocky. Opening up will not save a poor relationship, it will make it worse.

3. Be clear about what you want your non-monogamy to look like – is it sexual only? Are you only getting involved together? Are you looking for someone to live with you?

4. Negotiate clear boundaries and rules together. Be prepared to revisit these regularly. Keep talking.

5. Don’t choose a threesome for your first experience. It is too easy for someone to feel left out during a threesome. Foursomes are easier and make it more likely everyone will feel included.

The only rule that Lori Beth and her husband have when it comes to dating others is that they can ‘veto’ the relationship, which she admits can be contentious. 

‘Though it is controversial, we do have a veto rule because of the structure we agreed in our relationship. 

‘Otherwise, we practice safe sex and see consent as the key to establishing safety,’ she said.

Opening up about how they navigate any potential jealousy in their relationship, she said that in her experience, jealousy comes from one of two places in non-monogamy.

Lori Beth, who is an accredited gender, sex and relationship diversity therapist, added: ‘In my professional experience, jealousy arises from insecurity about yourself and feeling insecure about your place in the relationship.

‘My husband and I are both secure about ourselves and about our place in our relationship so we don’t really experience jealousy. 

‘We experience envy sometimes.

‘For example, if I am working and don’t get the opportunity to go and have fun, but he can. 

‘Or if I travel somewhere he would have liked to go with another partner.

‘We spend time talking about the feelings, allowing safe expression. 

‘Then we will look and see if any behavior needs to change,’ she explained.

But Lori isn’t the only dating coach who is an advocate of polyamory. 

Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn is one of the sex experts featured on reality show Celebs Go Dating. 

She has been in a three-year relationship with artist Brent Estabrook and both are allowed to sleep with others as long as they abide by the strict rules they have set in place.

But Lori isn’t the only dating coach who is an advocate of polyamory as Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn is also a fan

She has been in a three-year relationship with artist Brent Estabrook and both are allowed to sleep with others as long as they abide by the strict rules they have set in place 

They were very open with each other about their sexual preferences from the beginning. 

The couple’s boundaries include not kissing strangers, not sleeping with close friends, always using protection, and making sure that no emotional attachments are being made during sex. 

Although she knows of other polyamorous partners who have emotional relationships outside of their main one, the couple agreed that wouldn’t be for them. 

The topic of polygamy may still be taboo, however, Lori believes that in 10 years time it won’t be.

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