We have been together for six years. He is 39 and I am 34.
We’ve had sex nearly every day and watched soft porn to get us in the mood. He often talked about swapping sex partners. I was happy to talk about it but never wanted it for real.
On a swapping site he found a couple around the same age as us. We would watch them on the webcam having sex and them us.
We arranged to meet though I told my partner I was nervous and didn’t really want to take things that far.
He just kept reassuring me it would be all good fun and I would enjoy it.
My e-leaflet on Gay Resources explains where to find support.
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It was weird meeting them in a local pub, though we did get on quite well. I hoped we would stick to drinking then go home but my partner invited them back to our place.
We went to the bedroom and started undressing. The girl made a beeline for my partner and her bloke started kissing me.
It was horrible as far as I was concerned. When I saw my partner enjoying himself I just broke down in tears. He was kissing the other woman passionately and getting very sexual.
I broke away from the other guy and ran to the bathroom.
My partner followed me after a few minutes to ask what was wrong. I said I could not carry on and I wanted them to leave.
He wasn’t pleased but eventually he agreed. By the time I went downstairs they had gone.
He tried to give me cuddles but I couldn’t look him in the eye. It’s been a few weeks and I cannot look at him the way I used to.
This whole thing was a mistake and has ruined our relationship.
I cannot eat or sleep or get rid of the images in my head.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry you have found out the hard way that swapping and swinging can cause so much pain.
You can’t turn the clock back but I hope you can rebuild your love.
That will take both of you being very honest about your feelings.
You need to express all your anger and hurt, and you both need to understand why your partner kept pushing even though you were clearly not keen.
Has he been watching a lot of porn which can have the effect of blunting the appetite for the sort of caring sex you have with a loving partner?
My e-leaflet on sex play, Sex Therapy, can help you rediscover how sexy the basics can be between a couple who really care for one another. But there’s a lot for you both to sort out.
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