Have you ever felt like someone wants to break up with you but they just aren’t saying the words?
They’ll stop planning dates, compliment you less, maybe they’ll even explicitly state that they want to spend more time with friends, or live apart for a while.
Individually, their actions might not be anything breakup-worthy, but cumulatively, over a period of time, all signs point to the end.
This, dear reader, is the slow dump.
‘Slow dumping is an indirect and gradual process in which one partner distances themselves emotionally and physically from a romantic relationship instead of openly communicating their desire to end it,’ explains Nia Williams, founder of the dating coaching service Miss Date Doctor.
The person may start to act weird and cold towards you, in the hopes you become so dissatisfied that you end the relationship yourself.
Cruel, right?
‘It’s a passive way and cowardly of ending a relationship which can be very hurtful for the receiver,’ Nia adds.
Signs you’re being slow dumped
Similar to the slow fade, which usually occurs during the talking or dating stage, slow dumping is essentially letting something fizzle out.
But instead of simply texting less or cancelling plans with someone you’re not that serious with, slow dumping is all about doing the things that would make a person want to break up with you.
According to Nia, some signs you’re being slow dumped are:
- Reduced communication
- Avoidance of quality time together
- Declining interest in shared activities
- Emotional detachment
- A growing sense of distance between partners
Of course, these things sometimes happen naturally, particularly when someone is in a rut or isn’t ready to admit to themselves that they’re mentally checking out of the relationship.
But done intentionally, slow dumping can be extremely hurtful.
How to tell if you’re being slow dumped
It’s important to note that lots of these behaviours aren’t exclusive to slow dumping.
As Nia states, ‘these signs can also be symptomatic of personal stress, anxiety, depression, or other issues in the relationship that need addressing.
‘It’s essential not to jump to conclusions and consider other possible reasons for your partner’s behaviour.
‘In some cases your partner could just be having some personal problems so you must not be hasty without the facts being presented.’
If you do feel your partner is withdrawing from you, and you suspect you’re being slow dumped, the best thing to do is communicate.
‘It’s crucial to initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner,’ says Nia.
‘Express your concerns and feelings, and seek clarity about the state of the relationship.’
If your partner expresses that they do want to be with you, and you still want to make it work, have a conversation about how you want to be treated, and let them know you’re there for them if they’re going through something.
If not, well, at least you know. End things and take time to heal and move forward.
You’ll likely be better off without them.
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