THEY’RE not hanging round, this Government, are they? Brexit passed and now a bill limiting immigration. The way they’re going there will be nothing left to do by about June.
We’ve been waiting for action on immigration for nearly 20 years. Ever since Labour decided — wrongly, they now concede — to open the floodgates.
Ever since then, the British public has demanded a halt. Not out of a dislike of foreigners, as the half-wits on the Left would have you believe.
But because unconstrained immigration at the rate we have experienced is simply unsustainable. It has put an enormous strain on our infrastructure.
It has almost single-handedly created our housing crisis. And it has lowered the wages for some of the lowest-paid British workers.
Every opinion poll has said the same for years. Stop it now! And governments have pledged to do so and then, in the end, not bothered.
That’s all changed. Now we’re having a points-based immigration system. No low-skilled or unskilled workers. You’ll have to prove you have a job worth more than £25,600 per year.
And you’ll have to speak English. proper English, like what I do. It’s a bold move and the Home Secretary, Priti Patel, deserves a lot of credit.
Three groups who will object. First, the lefties who cry “raaaccissst” whenever curbs on immigration are mentioned.
They don’t matter. One of the main reasons Labour lost the support of its usual voters is because of its attitude towards immigration. They still haven’t learned.
Second, big business. Make no mistake — rich companies have been making a killing by grotesquely exploiting cheap labour from abroad.
When you look at the way some of those poor immigrants live — six and eight to a room — you feel ashamed that we do this. And all the while pricing indigenous Brits out of a job.
Now the companies will have to invest in training and pay a decent wage. A quick fix which stores up trouble. And finally, the well orf affluent Remain voters, especially in London.
They are very pro immigration. And they will tell you it’s because they are caring, lovely, liberal folk.
But it’s actually because they like cheap nannies for their ghastly mewling brats, cheap basement excavations done by underpaid Polish builders, cheap Uber drivers from Kabul, cheap cleaners from Sofia. Too bad. From now on you will pay a fair wage for all of those jobs (and stick to proper London black cabs).
There is no question that importing cheap labour from abroad gives a short, sharp boost to the economy.
But it is a quick fix which stores up loads of trouble further down the line. And it hurts the most vulnerable of the people already living here — be they black or white. In the last opinion poll I saw, a majority of immigrants thought we took in too many immigrants
They’re not wrong, are they? Next on the agenda for the excellent Priti Patel is reducing immigration from outside the EU. Or I hope it is.
So far, so good then. The Government has been in power for just two months and already achieved two major items from my own personal hitlist — Brexit and immigration.
Now, if they can ban lorries from overtaking on two-lane motorways, especially on hills, sterilise all cats, privatise the BBC, nationalise the railways and bring some well-paid jobs to the North of England, I’ll be well happy. All that by the end of June, please, Boris.
THE vegans are demanding that office fridges should have a separate shelf for them alone.
Give them that and soon they’ll be demanding separate fridges. And separate rooms in which to eat their ghastly food.
You may not think so, to listen to the constant clamour of the vegans, but the percentage of Brits who eat only vegan food is . . . one per cent. Just one per cent.
And our lives are not going to be made more difficult just because they think, wrongly, they’re saving the bloody planet.
Time for Boris to be a wet
THANKS, then, Storm Dennis. There are still hundreds of homes under water. People in Worcestershire and South Wales having to take a boat to get from their living room to the kitchen.
Bridges swept away, people sheltering in community centres and sports halls. I suppose we should get used to it.
Partly the consequence of climate change. Partly the consequence of building ever more houses in areas vulnerable to flooding.
As always happens at times like this, the Government has come in for a bit of stick. Where is Boris? Why isn’t he here sharing in our misery, the stricken people ask?
Two points. There is not the slightest practical use in the PM turning up, wearing Wellington boots and a deeply concerned expression, in areas hit by the flooding.
But there is a PR point here. If Boris isn’t there, the people feel like he doesn’t give a monkey’s. And that nothing’s being done.
And the BBC News programmes will lead their bulletins on furious householders asking: “Where is that blond bouffanted toff? He doesn’t care!”
So here’s the thing, Bojo. Pointless as it might well be, buy some galoshes. And a Sou’wester. Then go and stand up to your waist in stinking water in Tenbury Wells.
Look worried and empathetic. Buy a canoe and ferry Doris from her home to the local pub.
In the grand scheme of things it may be pointless. But in public relations terms, it matters a lot.
I SUPPOSE there must be someone, somewhere who went on a “luxury cruise” and ended up enjoying themselves rather than vomiting like a wizard.
But you don’t hear much about them. Right now the Diamond Princess cruise ship, moored somewhere outside Tokyo, is about to be evacuated.
There are more than 500 people on it, passing on the coronavirus to anyone who steps too close.
Which, on a cruise ship, is everyone. It’s just the latest example of a giant cruise liner in which nasty bugs get passed around before the ship has even left Portsmouth.
Here’s my tip for an enjoyable holiday. Go somewhere away from other people.
Moan, moan, groan
DAVE THE RAPPER – who doesn’t strike me as being hugely talented – was moaning at the Brit Awards.
In one of his boring and tuneless raps, he had a go at the Prime Minister.
Why? Because Boris Johnson is raaaccissst, according to Dave.
Do these luvvies and pop musicians not understand how staggeringly bored the rest of us are by their political views?
Does anyone, anywhere, give a toss what Dave The Rapper thinks about anything?
NEWS just in from Austria. A man is in trouble with the police after spending some time in a gymnasium bath house.
He had wanted to wash down his bench with a hose. Let HIM explain – as he did to the court – exactly what happened next.
“Because of my weak eyesight I made a mistake and ended up grabbing the penis of my neighbour in the steam bath.”
Easy mistake to make, isn’t it? One man’s hose is another man’s todger. Live and let live, I say.
Law's an ass over XR brats
ANOTHER magnificent toddler tantrum from the deluded middle-class twazzocks in Extinction Rebellion.
A bunch of them have ruined a pleasant lawn outside Trinity College, Cambridge.
Acting for all the world like petulant three-year-old brats, they dug up the grass and made a mess everywhere. Chained themselves to railings and so on.
They claimed they were doing it because they are “against the destruction of nature”.
Anyone looking at the protest would have guessed that they had exactly the reverse in mind. The police did what the police usually do – nothing whatsoever.
Scared to make arrests in case they’re seen as being heavy-handed. I’d have Tasered the lot until their nose rings melted.
If they want to protest against the destruction of nature, head for China, or Nigeria.
Instead of the UK, which is leading the world in the fight against climate change.
HARRY AND MEGHAN
THINGS are beginning to look a little bit tricky for Harry and Meghan, aren’t they?
And I wonder how long it will be before Harry deeply regrets what he has done and what he has given up.
Latest news is that the Queen has put her foot down. The couple will not be allowed to use the word “royal” in any of the branding for their new enterprise.
That’s because they are no longer royal. You can’t have your cake and eat it, Harry.
And given they are no longer part of the Royal Family, what possible interest could anyone have in their brand?
Two super-privileged youngish people whose sole contribution to the world has been to fly hither and thither in private jets, moaning about climate change?
Meghan may have made Harry super-woke. But I wonder when he will actually wake up.
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