EVERYONE has an opinion on Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner divorcing after four years of marriage.
Numerous “sources” are claiming the reason behind the shock split is that 27-year-old Sophie is a party animal (complete with pictures of her enjoying a night out while she films in the UK).
Meanwhile, Joe, 34, is being depicted as a doting dad, solely caring for their two young daughters, even though his band is on tour.
Surely not?
A man, holding down a job and looking after his own kids? Someone give this guy a medal.
Whatever the real story behind the breakdown of their relationship, the Joe-and-Sophie saga highlights how little expectations of mothers and fathers have changed over the years.
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If the children had been living with her while he was away working, no one would have batted an eyelid.
When women become mothers, they are expected to make huge sacrifices for their kids and put them before everything, including their careers.
We still think of a “good mother” as basically being a #TradWife with a non-demanding part-time job.
Meanwhile, if a man so much as takes his kid to the park, he’s hailed a hero for “babysitting” his own sprogs.
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Take the fashion CEO Rubin Ritter, who made global headlines a few years ago for stepping down from his job to devote time to his family and let his wife concentrate on her career.
Is that so extraordinary that it becomes international news?
Women have been doing this silently for decades.
I’ve often witnessed this double standard in my own life.
“Oh, he’s a good one you’ve got there,” a lady told me admiringly at the swings when I came to meet my partner Guy and our daughter Blake.
For a moment, I couldn’t work out why he was being congratulated for a task I’ve done most days of my life for the past three years.
Then I looked around and realised he was the only father there.
When a health visitor once referred to Guy as a “hands-on dad”, I cringed.
I don’t feel “lucky” to have him, just depressed that this isn’t the norm.
When I meet up with friends, I hear a litany of stories about their useless and mainly absent partners.
The ones who couldn’t pack a kid’s swimming bag if their life depended on it.
As a result, many of my female friends would never dream of expecting their partner to remember to pick up a present for a birthday party, book half-term holiday clubs or prep a packed lunch.
Hell, most of them don’t even trust their other half to do the laundry.
Scrolling through my nursery WhatsApp, I realised 90% of the participants were mums, too.
The only way to make things better is to heighten our expectations of men.
Don’t praise fathers for being “involved” when they are just spending time with their own children – this is the bare minimum.
No one has in-built skills to look after a baby.
We’re all just winging it, and if men aren’t given the opportunity from the outset, we end up with a world where a father who occasionally changes a nappy is praised for doing “daddy daycare.”
Sorry Joe, but looking after your own kids doesn’t make you father of the year.
And Sophie shouldn’t be mum-shamed for letting her hair down.
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Whatever happens in your divorce, just make sure that both of you join the nursery WhatsApp groups. Now, that is true equality.
● Follow Kate on Instagram @katewillswrites.
This week I’m…
Watching… Top Boy
If you haven’t seen the season finale of this gritty Netflix show yet, where have you been? Explosive stuff!
Listening to… Guts
Former Disney star Olivia Rodrigo’s second album is full of angsty pop hits that make me feel like I’m 17 again.
Sipping… ACV
That’s apple cider vinegar, FYI, which is all the rage. Willy’s version is a tasty way to get your daily dose of probiotics.
Photography: Mark Hayman, Ali Painter/Netflix, Instagram/Willys, Zumapress.com/Mega Stockist: Willy’s (Willysacv.com)
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