DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has repaid my support and love by wining and dining another woman.
I’m convinced he’s also been having sex with her.
About five years ago he had a breakdown and was struggling to perform in the bedroom.
It really got me down, but I encouraged him to see his doctor and he got tablets for depression, which seemed to help.
He asked me to give up work so that our lives would be calmer and I could support him more.
He’s 54 and has a stressful job as a managing director for a car parts business.
I’m 51 and I loved my job as a nurse, but I agreed to help him.
That wasn’t the only compromise, because as well as dealing with his low moods, he continued to struggle to perform in the bedroom.
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Our sex life all but dried up for a while.
Again, I told him it didn’t matter and I regularly tried to make him feel good with kissing, caressing and massage.
In return, we explored ways he could still satisfy me. He bought me a sex toy for my birthday and I thought he was coming to terms with his health issues.
Now I wonder if he’s been telling me the truth at all. Recently, he went to work and forgot his mobile.
So he called me from work and asked me to turn it off.
When I picked it up there were nine missed calls and several unread texts from a woman.
She mentioned what a good kisser he was.
One message even said she was looking forward to “more fun”. I was horrified.
I feel devastated that I’ve been so kind to him and this is how he repays me.
Should I leave him?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Not without talking to him and demanding some answers.
His self-esteem is likely to be at rock bottom as he struggles with depression and erectile dysfunction, but that isn’t an excuse for betraying you.
You’re feeling wretched and you’ve considered leaving because you’re reeling, but don’t rule out that you won’t always feel this way.
Arrange to see a counsellor where you can rage in private – then ask him to accompany you and work on rebuilding your marriage.
It feels unforgivable but a fling doesn’t have to mean the end. It can be the beginning of a more solid marriage.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows where to find help.
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Pictures posed by models.
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