A 25-year-old has urged women not to judge her age-gap relationship with a 40-year-old man. The response? A whole lot of judgement…
Writing on Mumsnet, the anonymous woman said she’s sick of stereotypes that have plagued her marriage to her husband, who is 15 years her senior.
She explained that she’s her husband’s first marriage, he didn’t leave an ex for her, and they earn roughly the same amount of money.
The young mum wrote: ‘I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a four-month-old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40, and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and are genuinely happy.
‘We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship. However – I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl.
‘We got a lot of “oh she’s a silly young girl” or “she’s his mid life crisis”, “it’ll never last”.’
The young wife even shared a recent incident in which a solicitor apologised for making assumptions that she was young and naïve, not a sensible woman with a career.
She wondered why people were so quick to label her, saying: ‘If they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes this is the case when there’s a younger girlfriend or wife, but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly, naïve or stupid?’
Despite the fact that the mum had given a bit of background to her and her husband’s relationship, many women were still rather judgemental, offering their reasoning for being so sceptical.
One commenter wrote: ‘The judgment is more on the men than the women. The number of men who move on from women or relationships they have been in for 20 years, to pick up with someone young enough to be their daughter and do it all over again is slightly cringe.’
The young mum fired back: ‘Well that’s the situation my husband is in and it’s not cringey at all to me? In fact his own mum said to me she’s never seen him so happy and content and we’ve been together four years now. I don’t think people are just so quick to judge and I don’t really genuinely understand why.’
Another commenter agreed, saying the harsher judgement was reserved for the older man. They wrote: ‘I judge the man and pity the young woman. There is a clear power imbalance which the young woman often realises once she is older. She is also likely to become a carer at a young age. Plus a stepmother. Most people I know feel the same way.’
Other women branded her ‘young and shiny-eyed’ and one commenter went so far as to say they’d be ‘sad if [their] daughter tied herself to a man so much older’.
Some did voice their support though, but the majority of them were in age-gap relationships themselves.
One wrote: ‘I’m 40, my dear husband is 60 and we have never been happier. I met him when I was 19.
‘Ignore all the ignorant people on Mumsnet. At the end of the day half of them must be lonely and bitter. You know your own feeling and relationship so good on you. Hopefully when you grow older your just as in love still as I am and not bitter and twisted.’
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