'I'm a pansexual single mum — I warn dates they'll meet my son in the morning'

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week, we hear from Leah, a 40-year-old single mum.

Leah, who is head of content at sex-positive dating app Pure, is pansexual, meaning she is attracted to any person, irrespective of their sex identity or gender identity

At the moment, Leah’s not looking for anything serious. She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Keeping up with all I do – working, and raising a child – is more than overwhelming.

‘So I make sure I really want to talk to a person and flirt, rather than use dating as a way to kill time or a distraction from motherhood and work.’

Leah describes her personal relationship with sex as ‘profound and loving, accepting and joyful’, but she adds: ‘I’m a domestic violence survivor, so it wasn’t like this all the time: there were two years of fear and shame.’

These days, she’s happy that she ‘owns the narrative’ of her sex life, but wants it to be a bit more spontaneous.

‘But I can’t just run off to a person in the middle of the night (or day),’ she adds ‘because I’m my son’s only parent.’

Without any further ado, here’s how she got on this week…


I actually have two rules in my dating life about my kid: I introduce him to anyone who I feel is good enough to be my friend, and I share info that I’m a mum on my dating ad.

That spares me the talk of why the first date can only happen on a Thursday and that if we move forward to dating, they’ll meet my son in the morning, because I only sleep in my own bed.

There’s also a rule about dogs, but that’s a whole other story. I mean, we share a bed…


Normally, I don’t have sex on Mondays: it’s the school day and the first day of the work week. The only way it could happen (and this Monday it did) is if someone spent the night at my place.

This week, I woke up at 5am next to my friend-with-benefits. I walked the dogs, prepared lunch for my six-year-old, dropped him off at school, came back to said FWB, and did the deed.

I love morning sex! Be it tender or passionate and rough.

I have lots of energy today, and I am yet to be pissed off by what my day has to offer. Meaning tantrums, homework, and working from home.

Mondays are tiring though, so I am not the sexiest person by the end of the day. I just hug my dogs and go to sleep. 


I am in the mood for a fling, so I open Pure. I try to create no more than three chats at a time. I think this is the exact number of people I can get to know and stay respectful and genuinely interested in. 

Today I saved two chats: a single dad with a six-year-old daughter and a young trans woman. She is new in town and wants to meet someone from the community. 

I also match with some surfers. We joke, but they are all about ‘right now’, and I am planning a date for Thursday — I already booked a sitter!


The morning starts with dogs, school, and browsing my dating app likes.

Because I look a bit younger than I am, I often match with guys 15 years younger than I am. I actually enjoy chatting (and dating, and having sex) with them.

The problem is they start with wanting nothing like a relationship, but then idealistically try to jump into one with me. I always let them know I don’t want anything exclusive. For now. 

So I chat with some guys, with some nudes and sexting involved, and at the same time, I’m planning a date with the single dad. 


I have a coffee in the morning before work with the woman I met on the app and introduce her to some of my friends at a local café.

In the evening I walk my dogs, leave the sitter with my son, and off I go on my date.

He was not exactly my type in the end, and probably we’ll end up being friends, but we had some action in the car after dinner regardless. 

As my expectations for the date were not met, but the mood was still on, some sexting helped me finish… the day. 


Today was a family day. We’re invited to two birthday parties, so… no sex here. 


Saturdays are for cleaning, which feels so good to me, it’s almost as good as sex.

By the time I’m done, my friend with benefits comes in for a beer, and we laugh a lot. We are really great friends.

We fall asleep on the couch, too tired to move to the bedroom. 

I do talk to some people on the app, and we discuss going to the beach one weekday soon.

How I Do It

In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.

Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.

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