Lover, 72, wants to be with me but his wife is showing signs of dementia

DEAR DEIDRE: UNTIL his wife started to show signs of dementia, my lover was planning to divorce her to be with me.

I’ve been seeing this man, someone I’ve known since my teens, for almost a year.


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He lives an hour’s drive away but we spend days out together and have the occasional night together. We’re both 72.

I was widowed five years ago. I often get asked out by men but I don’t have a connection with them like I do with him.

His wife stays at home all the time and won’t even go into the garden. He has become her carer but he’s desperately unhappy.

He’s worried that if he leaves his wife to be with me, his family wouldn’t forgive him and he wouldn’t see his grandchildren.

Although he has no marriage to speak of, I still feel uneasy.

Should I end this relationship, even though we’ll both be heartbroken?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Snatching moments away will not help you find out if you have a future.

At the moment, you are giving him everything on a plate.

He has his home life and his secret affair. He’s managing to keep the two completely separate.

I am sending you my support pack Your Lover Not Free? which will help you protect yourself and work out what is best for you both.

I know it is painful but it may be best for you to accept he won’t be yours and focus your attention on finding someone new . . . who is available

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